The Ice Cream Cone
1. "Everything in life that is hard is just a series of things that are easy."
The very thought of ‘having to do something’ stirs up much resistance, especially when that ‘something’ is a practice out of our normal routine or natural tendency. However, if you break it down into tiny bits and pieces, even the grandest of all conquest plans comprise of baby steps. Also, once you actually have it done, you realize how trivial and easy it was to get it done. It’s the mental resistance that causes unnecessary noise and pain.
Small wins of the day: (1) Resisted the temptation to placate my stress with a late night snack; (2) Continued listening to the audio book (Millionaire Fastlane) on my way back home; (3) I’m writing this (!), trying to build a new identity, despite feeling exhausted from work, physically tormented, and mentally overwhelmed with all the assignments given. However, unlike the past, I didn’t cave in or give up on the whole — I got the things that could be taken care of, taken care of (e.g. skimming through lil bro’s application, writing this, reading an article on YETI and Patagonia). Building new habits, new routines, and thus a new life is just a matter of training the muscle. Slow and Steady.
2. The Ice Cream Cone
Today, I received the internship termination notification email from HR. As much as I was delighted to see the email, realizing that the pain (literal back pain) will soon be an old story, I was also quite agitated by the thought of the soon to come termination. Prior to starting work, the thought of working at a dream workplace—literally sitting at the very core of where my heart and soul find most joy—has accompanied so much thrill and excitement, sprinkled with a bit of nervousness and tension. Because I was to be working for my long-lived ‘idols’, and would supposedly be communicating directly with man who created the widely acclaimed group and company, I was full of dreams, ambition, and excitement. I was ready to pour in all the knowledge I have accumulated through my firsthand and secondhand experience in the entertainment industry, not to mention my genuine passion and heart for the subject matter. However, the reality did not unveil itself to affirm my hopes. It wasn’t too long until I noticed that the limitations of my input and influence are set in boundaries. It was as if an ice cream cone is shoveled at my face, except the ice cream cone itself is in the grasp of the other party and all I could do is to smell the scent of the chocalate-y, vanilla-y ice cream. This feeling, to know what you desire so dearly is within your reach but not exactly allowed to reach for due to the pre-established laws and regulations (or worse yet, some arbitrary man-made ‘customs’), is exactly 7-folds more painful than being miles and miles away from it. The feeling of ‘being almost there but not exactly there yet’ engenders the most contradictory array of feelings: hopeful yet hopeless, fearless yet fearful, and euphoric yet disheartened.
However, it is too soon to give up. The habit of the attitude, the direction my mind tends to, is what will define the ‘win’ in this scenario. Whether I tried all I can until the very last moment. Whether I trained my mind to believe the world is abundant, not scarce.
I will stick my nose into that cone of ice and see whatever comes out of it. It’s not over until it is over.