2020–2021: A Period of Mass Trauma

As I enter 2022, I felt ready to finally look into what 2020-2021 was all about.

The past 2 years have been an interesting period. It was the first time since the age of 3 to be disentangled from a school system. There were no rules nor obligations; no previews nor destinations, either. Just one huge blank canvas.

So, it's also the time I've ventured into new, somewhat radical directions. Namely, lingering childhood curiosities. I've contested in Miss Korea, won some awards, been on TV, emceed for an international congress, catwalked in New York Fashion Week, etc. I was thriving.

Or so it seemed.

These past 2 years were also by far the darkest times. Despite all the “cool stuff” I was doing in the physical world, truth is, I was barely keeping it together. There were so many nights I felt frustrated. Empty. Deep down, I felt like I was broken.

But the world seemed to have seen some of its ugliest as well. Violence prevails. Lives are taken. Economies are collapsing. Wars worsen. Democracy costs lives. Extreme weather reaches a record high. Not to mention millions of deaths caused by this godforsaken pandemic. All the while, billions of dollars are invested in abandoning the destructed land, instead of reconstructing it.

When the world seems to be at the precipice of collision, little me and my problems feel infinitesimal. This is when my mind would say something like, "you're lucky to even be alive."

But then I recall a wise friend who once told me to not to diminish or invalidate the loss I’m experiencing because there’s a greater loss somewhere else. What I’m feeling and going through may be just as sad and shitty as someone else’s, and there’s no point in comparing and downplaying my own experience.

Then it hit me: Maybe, we are experiencing mass trauma.

2020 and 2021 were trying times for everyone. People have had some of the most horrifying experiences of their lives. We've been impacted in various ways and varying degrees, but we have had a unified human experience. A shared trauma.

Perhape what we experience and feel is not too different from one another. And knowing that we, as collective humanity, are feeling something somewhat similar gives a sense of comfort.

It is truly unfortunate that so much of our generation's youthfulness is spent in a politically, economically, environmentally, and virologically unstable time.

But life, on a micro and macro scale, is a series of suffering. And what makes it worth living is the despite of. Weathering through the storm despite of, continuing to rebuild ourselves despite of, finding a silver lining despite of -- and keep pushing forward. Because life must go on.

We made it to the end of 2021. But we don’t earn brownie points because it’s some pandemic we’ve made through. There will always be another reason life gets tough, if not for a pandemic. Instead, just "being" alone should be plenty of reason to give yourself a pat in the back. You’ve made it through.

I feel like I can write “Happy New Year” and mean it. Finally.