Last Day of April, 2020

COVID-19, Pressure for Productivity, and Mental Health

How unbelievable it is to see how much has changed since just a few weeks ago. I thought I'd have all the time in the world to catch up with you, eat lunch with you, enjoy a cup of coffee with you at this point... What a sobering reminder this is of the short, unpredictable, ever-changing nature of life. I am thinking of you at this time, my dear friend, and wanted to check in and make sure you have transitioned well into this new normal--now that it's been a few weeks. 

But if you haven't transitioned well. It's okay to not have been doing well. It's okay to feel unsettled, uneasy, unproductive, uncomfortable, unmotivated. These are all the emotions I've experienced in the past few weeks. Even I, the ultra optimism majesty, have been feeling very blue and gloomy in the past few weeks. I am beyond thankful to be able to say that I've overcome this now. It was through unconditional love for myself. Not judging myself, not berating myself. Being gentle to myself, being the greatest advocator for myself.

I hope you're finding more time to spend with your loved ones, show gratitude and love for your loved ones for being alive and safe, but most importantly, more time to spend solely for yourself. You've been putting so much time and effort to push yourself harder and further, so I really hope all the extra time we have been granted has given you some space for you to slow the pace a bit. 

I think, inherently, the solution must come from within. I've recently experienced something closest to depression I can imagine, and I overcame it by analyzing what was causing such lethargy. It was largely (1) the pressure to be productive while still not feeling entirely stable and (2) lack of energy outlets & activity. First, I literally just walked around outdoors for 1-2 hours every day. That was the scope of physical activity I had access to, so I just capitalized on my given circumstances. Also, I didn't force myself to do anything productive. I just allowed myself to do nothing. After a while, not doing anything got boring, so I then found things I can enjoy doing, which are not work-related. Small things like indulging myself to loud music on headphones (I never blast out music fully) and cooking, for some ideas. I stayed away from social media and stopped consuming what other people are doing during this time. I cut off all the noises around this world and tuned into myself.

Note that the emotional response to depression is different for everyone - it was lethargy for me, it may be loneliness, sadness, or anxiety for someone else. There is no cure-all for this, because the cause and response to depression is so vastly different for each person. That’s why it’s crucial to be honest with yourself and look into what you’re really feeling and why you may feel that way. Just looking into where these feelings are coming from and being gentle to yourself, being your greatest advocator was important for me. Unconditional love for myself.

As for what you can do for others: I think a random note of appreciation and love is always appreciated. When you're not at your best state, you feel like you're alone in this world and no one understands you. Being reminded that people around me think about me and that they remember who I am when I'm not depressed helps me remind myself that what I feel like now is just a fleeting instance, not a whole representation of who I am whatsoever.